EMUstake

Well, it appears as if there was a mistake made regarding this whole Emu incident. Because of his facial injuries, my brother's speach is somewhat slurred. His wife asked him what would make him feel better and get over his injuries. While he thought he said Emu, his wife heard Elmo and without hesitation ran to the store to see what she could find.

At first, after she returned, my brother was a bit leery. But before long, he really began to appreciate what his wife had bought him, and indeed, it did make him feel better.

Here is the video proof:

My Brother vs. the Snowboarder

So, my brother sends us an email talking about an incident he recently had on the slopes. Below is his email:

Well, it’s that time of year again to go through my latest ordeal. This time I was an innocent bystander and it wasn’t even my fault…of course that didn’t stop Tami from grounding me, but what can you do.

My story all begins up on the slopes as we took the mutual on a ski trip last Saturday. We all went up to Mt. Hood to ski at Mt. Hood Meadows for night skiing. I spent most of my time with Ian going down one of the smaller slopes and just having a good time with him as Tami took Anders and Ellie up to the widow maker to see how many of the kids she can lose. We then went in to take a break and eat dinner and rest up for the 2^nd go around. It was about 7:30 PM or so and we were going to ski until 9:00 and then meet back at the lodge to go home. I had decided to go up on one of the higher runs with a couple of friends of mine. They were both pretty good skiers, but the one was trying snow boarding this time so we were just going to go on a green run that wasn’t too difficult. Rick (snowboarder) was out in front so we could watch him and help if he fell or got into trouble. We had made it about half way down the mountain when he fell so I pulled up to him and stopped to see if he was ok. Then Mark came over and we were waiting for Rick to get back up when I heard a noise and turned just in time to see this snowboarder coming at me at what seemed like 100 miles an hour.

I had absolutely no time to react as all I remember was being hit and then being very disoriented and remembering a weird dragging then hitting and dragging and hitting. I later found out that the dragging was my face on the ice as I had been flipped completely upside down and my body was trying to flip around but my neck and my face were keeping it from completing the flip. I then tried to gather myself and figure out what was happening. My legs were underneath me at a weird angle so I tried to straighten them out so I could lie down flat. My knee was hurting pretty badly and I was worried that I may have really hurt it this time. Rick was asking me how I felt and if I was all right. That is when I lifted my face up off the snow and could see blood dripping onto the snow from my face or head. I soon forgot about my knee and tried to tell how bad I was hurt and where the blood was coming from. At that point I saw the snowboarder laying about 10 feet from me and remember yelling, “What the heck were you doing.” All he could say was that he lost control. I then just laid back down trying to get enough strength to crawl over and strangle him, but Rick was now at my side and was trying to look at me. I also remember the snowboarder asking if he should go get the ski patrol and I guess someone said yes because he took off.

Shortly after that a couple came up to us and she stayed by us as her boyfriend went for help. A couple of minutes later our bishop happened to come skiing up and he also stayed until the ski patrol arrived. They then went through the normal series of questions to see just how loopy I was and if I thought I was Batman or not. She then asked me where I was and I said I am skiing. She asked if I knew which resort and of course I did not, but I can never remember the name of that stupid resort and all that I could think of was New Meadows but that didn’t sound right, so I finally told her that it wouldn’t matter if I was fine or not I would still not know the name. I finally said I was on Mt. Hood and I think it was New Meadows or something. It’s actually Mt. Hood Meadows, but I guess I got close enough that she decided I was just stupid and not really hurt. After that she checked my neck and back because I said that is where it hurt the worse, but since my spinal cord had not been severed she decided that I could go ahead and ride down in the sled. She put her back pack at the front and then had me sit up with my back to the backpack and looking backwards from the way she was going. Next she put a strap the size of a piece of thread around me and started going. She had also given me a big piece of gauze to hold up on my face, so with one hand on the gauze and one hand on the sled we started down the mountain.

We didn’t go far before my neck started to really hurt as I was being thrown around like a bobble head doll at a Blazer game. I had to finally put my hand behind my head so my head wouldn’t fall off. Just then she said that we are going to pick up some speed so we could make it up the next hill…and away we went. There was just no way that I was going to stay inside that little baby sled without any hands so I just left the gauze stuck to my face and my bobble head neck where it was and grabbed on to that sled for dear life; not the best sleigh ride I have taken, that’s for sure. We finally made it back to the lodge, but now they had to take me to the clinic, so they hooked my fun little sled up to a snowmobile and away we went again. Apparently there is a shortage of sleeping gas or something because I figured that they were trying to get me to sleep by using the exhaust from the snow mobile, this time I had to hang on so I wouldn’t slump over and be dragged to my death by a runaway snowmobile, just like in one of Dad’s crazy western movies.

We eventually made it to the clinic and our bishop asked if he should go get Tami. I told him not yet as there wasn’t much that she could do and maybe I could get in one more run before she caught me and the grounding commenced. After he saw the gauze come off and them start to clean my face, he said that it’s probably a good thing that we didn’t get Tami because she didn’t need to see that. The cleaning, or as I like to call it the, torture you until you tell the truth or until we reach the bone faze, was finally done, they let me lay down and relax a bit. Then the bishop took me back to the lodge to wait for everyone and to put me on display for anyone who might wander by. I had several people come over and say that they were sorry and that they hated snowboarders too, while others would turn the corner and gasp. Women were fainting and small children were crying and finally I yelled out, “I am not an animal.” Actually everyone was very nice to me and were getting me things and taking my boots off and making me comfortable. Finally Tami came in I think she just shook her head and laughed and had that, “What Now” look on her face. Ellie came right over and started trying to wipe the blood off my face, which again almost made me give up my name, rank and serial number, until I told her that it wasn’t blood and no matter how hard she scrubbed it wasn’t coming off. Basically I just had a big rug burn on my face, with a few other deeper cuts.

As you can see by the pictures the first night it was pretty red, but now it is starting to scab up a bit but the swelling is worse. It feels like my head is as big as the Jack in the Box guy and it’s hard to keep my one eye open, but I am just lucky that nothing else happened. I am also feeling lucky to have such a great family to take care of me and friends who keep calling to see how I am doing. It looks like I will live after all, but I do keep finding more aches and bruises as the days go on. The only things that hurt now, besides my face and ear are my shoulder, collar bone, shin, back, neck, right hip, left pinkie and right knee and thigh, other than that I am good. And like Ian says, Dad, that would have killed a normal man…how wise he is.

Well, that’s about it for now, I will let you know how things progress, or I will write again in about 6 months when the next episode of the life of Jeff plays out.

To this email, my sister Kimberly replied:

Ha Ha Ha ha hahahahahaha! gosh that is awesome. I almost peed my pants at work when i saw those pics and read your lil story. priceless. the laughter is laughter of love. man i'm sorry! but really, you should get mom to send you some emu oil for the healing effects to rub on your owies :)

Of Course, I had to take the opportunity to reply to Kimby's email, to which I said:

Better than Emu oil, get some of that Emu sausage or Emu hotdogs and rub those on the sores. The pure meat of the Emu allows the healing properties of the world's wonder cure to penetrate directly into the spots that need the most healing. And if you can afford it, let a live Emu lick your face. It's practically an instant cure.

It seems my brother took me seriously, and below is the result:

Wolves Howling at the Moon

Max Giving His Talk to Grandma and Grandpa Selman

Max gave this talk in Primary on Sunday. Later that night, he gave it again to Grandma and Grandpa Selman. If you notice, he is holding his flash cards with him as if he is reading the talk. Although he is starting to read some, we have a bit of a different method for doing church talks for the little guys. Below are pics of what he is reading from.


















In his actual talk, as he was talking about the Pearl of Great Price, he was looking at the picture next to the book and couldn't quite remember the word was "Pearl." Instead, he said, the "Pebble of Great Price." It was pretty funny and got a few chuckles from the other adults in the Primary.

As a side note. We had forgotten that Max had his talk until Sunday morning. We wrote these and he memorized them in about 35 minutes before our 9 am Sacrament Meeting.

Elk In Payson

Well, the cold weather and numerous snow storms have caused herds of deer and elk to come down out of the mountains and into the valleys. On a shopping trip to nearby Spanish Fork, Marnae and I discovered a group of 11 bull elk in a nearby field. We raced home, grabbed the cameras and the baby backpack, and headed back to the field to see if our elk were still around.

Jared and Larisa Announce They are Having a Boy!

So, my brother and sister-in-law just announced to the world, they are expecting a baby boy. Seeing as I had just utilized the services of the "What will our baby look like" company. I decided to have then find out what my brother's baby would look like.

I think they will be very happy. I will probably send them the picture as a gift for the baby.





This test came with a few extras, as I am a repeat customer. They also predicted what the baby will become when he grows up.




In this case, there was a 96% certainty that the little fella would start a throw-back 80's hair band.

But What Will Their Kids Look Like?

Soon after the Honeymoon, Marnae and I discovered we were expecting. As we were a little nervous about children, we studied up as much as we could on new babies. We read all the books, from "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" to "The Hidden Emotional Life of Expectant Mothers." After months of daily study, we knew more about babies than Dr. Spock could ever even imagine.

But, one thing still haunted our nights. What would our baby look like? Nothing in the conventional books and study materials even hinted at how you could tell what your bouncing bundle of joy was going to look like. Ultrasounds like Fetal Photos, scared me.









I did not want to see a 5 month old image of Skeletor or Alien-baby looking at me. I needed more.

















Besides, most babies all look alike. I wanted to know what our grown child would look like.

After weeks of research and conversations, I discovered a small privately-owned company operating off the coast of South America that could give us the very thing we sought. For only $199.99 we sent blood samples, photos, 3 ounces of body hair, and a half gallon of peanut butter to this company. Within 3 weeks we had the scientifically-guaranteed image of what our baby was going to look like. Now, I am no scientist, but I think the results are pretty dang good. See for yourself!



I can hardly wait till our baby grows up. . . .sorry, I got a bit weepy there.

I would recommend this company to anyone. It was well worth the money, and as you can see, its a kind of magic...

Do You Believe in PRE-Mortem Reincarnation?

A long-time controversial subject, pre-mortem reincarnation has been debated by scholars and theologians alike since the creation of man. It wasnt until the "Great Debate" in Cathage, 761 A.D that the topic of premortem reincarnation was finally given its current definition and consignments. It was decided then and still believed today, that each person on earth has 7 identical replicas. However, as the world is so large and as there are 6.5 billion people on it right now, today it is next to impossible to even find one of your identical personages.

That being said, from time to time, miracles do actually occur and premortem reincarnation manifests itself when we least expect it.

And now, it is with great pride that I present to you one actual living case...





If I couldn't see it with my own eyes, I would not believe it either, but the evidence speaks for itself.

Bad Bad Monkey - The Movie

I know I will take heat for this one, but it was just too funny to pass up. I normally don't terrorize my 9-month old baby, but for some reason, she just does NOT like this monkey.

First Things First - FAMILY

Here are a couple of pictures of Marnae's and my family.


First is a family picture taken with the Selman family. From Left to right ( back -Marnae, Dave, Matt, Mike, Megan - front Henry, David, Elva, Amelia, Max)


This picture was taken on Utah Lake Christmas '07


Next is the Bake Family - Too many to try and name but basically Larry and Barbara are seated in the middle with 10 of their 12 children present with their families.

This picture was taken at Camp Highcliffs in Oregon July of '06