APHIDNEST: April 2008

Let's just get this out of the way first: The Pinewood Derby has never been what you would call a friend of mine. Of my 4 years of eligibility, I only remember two of them. Both were pretty painful; one figuratively, the other literally.

My first Derby resulted in disaster on the track. Dad and I built a car that I was sure was going to win it all. However, the fender we made from a piece of corner bead, hung just a little too low on the bottom of the car. Every race, as my car came down the track into the flat area, the bottom of the car would drag on the track and slow the car down so much, it never crossed the finish line. And I cried.

The only other Derby I remember from Cub Scouts was one in which I tried to build my car all by myself. I was using a coping saw to cut the body of my car into the smoothest, sleekest, fastest design a 9-yr-old could imagine. Instead, I cut clean through my thumbnail, length-wise, giving me a scar on my thumb that I still carry today. And I cried.

Those emotional and physical scars stuck with me into my adult life. I had no hope of redemption. Then, several years ago, as my family gathered for my brother Kevin's wedding, we decided to hold a family Pinewood Derby. Now was my chance to soothe those scars and regain my manhood. But alas, no, the Pinewood fates were still not in my favor. The day of the race, as I was putting my axles into the body of my car, I had cut the body too close to the axle grooves and I broke off the back part of the axle groove. My car, (The Screaming Aphid) would not be able to run that day. And in my heart, I cried.

Now flash forward to today. Henry turned 8 in November, becoming a cub scout, and winning me 4 more years of Pinewood Derby potential. I had another chance to erase the past and awaken a beautiful future. I tried not to act too excited, because I did not want to put any unneeded pressure on an 8 year old to compete in a toy car race, but man I wanted to win.

I asked my brother Jeff for his best pointers, (Jeff has the Pinewood Derby car making thing down to a science). I also read every website ever made by every Pinewood Wacko trying to sell their "how to" guides. These guys are jerks by the way. They almost give you their design plans, but leave out just a few of the key details so you will spend $10-$20 to find out how far their axels are from the back of the car.

So, with every little FREE pinewood tip I could find, I took Henry on a pinewood car body web search. After viewing hundreds of cars, Henry decided which one he wanted. I was glad that he picked a body similar to the one I had made before.

After about a week of cutting, sanding, melting lead, sanding again, painting, sanding, and polishing, we were ready for the 2008 Pack 452 Pinewood Derby. I was anxious to see how our little car would do. Henry named his car Screaming Aphid II. I dubbed him Son of Screaming Aphid.

Well, Son of Screaming Aphid did not disappoint. He won all of his first heats, and was declared the Derby Champion after winning all but one of the Championship heats with the 4 fastest cars. (The final heats involved running the fastest cars on rotating tracks to ensure that each car was given an opportunity to run on each track to rule out the possibility of a faster track being the reason for a single win. Son of Screaming Aphid won all but one of these heats and the one he didn't win he placed second.) And I cried.