July 22 - Six Years Ago Today

Thank you Marnae for being a wonderful Mother, and an amazing Wife!  I love you.

I Never Really Noticed Before

Once again, Kyser brings something to my attention. Much like he did in a previous post Found Here our little buddy has pointed out something that I never really noticed before.




















Above, Kyser has drawn a nice picture of his mommy. At first I thought there was something strange about the picture. I pondered and reflected on what seemed odd, but I just couldn't put my hand on it. Then I looked back at a few other pictures of Kyser's mommy and I think I see what he was going for.

The Duke's Descent

LondonTimes - June 11, 1931

"Lofty" Aires, Duke of Airesborne, Killed In "Attack" Balloon Crash. Relatives brought together to determine the rightful heir.

















Pictured from Left to Right:

back row - Lance Sallot (Aaron), Lonsford Glost Aires (Kevin), Evonne B.N. Aires (Emily), Cannon von Babyston (Cannon), Gwendolyn O. Veere (Kimby), Spendwell "Spinner" P. Roppwash (yo), Jeeves (Max)

front row - Tabela M. Cutesy (Mesa), Rogan S. Coudrell (Henry), Damselyne D. Istresse (Rachelle), Melissa C. Lloudbanks (Marnae), Millie Q.T. Memomabs (Amelia)


So, Rachelle found an old "How to Host a Murder" game in their house and convinced us join them for a night of murder, mystery, and mayhem.


We all had a good time finding out who done it until the real murderer couldn't take the pressure any further and finally confessed to killing ole' Lofty.

Kevin especially had a good time when he went upstairs to check on Cannon. After he didn't return, we thought he might have been the murderer's second victim for the night. However, upon further investigation, we found him safe and sound, sleeping next to the crib with Cannon looking down at his sleeping dad.

What Do Babies Have Nightmares About?

I have often asked myself this question. Actually, I usually just wonder at what point babies start dreaming and what those dreams are about. Well, last night, I think I got part of the answer.

I stayed up late last night, I just had to watch the very last Conan O'brien appearance on Late Night. Somewhere around 12am, I heard Millie start to cry in her crib. As I opened the door to her room, I could hear her saying, "Mine, mine, mine" as she cried. I turned the dimmer switch on just enough to see her, and she is sitting up in her crib, pointing in the dark at the floor and says, "My book, mine, my book."

Now, you have to know something about Millie; she loves her books. She will wake up in the morning and if we put a book in her crib the night before, she will sit and "read" that book for 30-45 minutes before she starts to get antsy. One of her favorite books right now is "If you Give a Pig a Party." She calls it her Piggy Book.
So, as I ask her what book she is crying about, she says, "Piggy Book, Maxy, Mine." I look on the floor where she is pointing and do not see the Piggy Book. I look on the shelf, and don't see the book there either.

At this point, it crosses my mind that maybe she was having a bad dream. I pick her up and carry her into the living room as she calms down. She begins to relax and says, "Daddy, Piggy Book, mine." I tell her that I couldn't find the piggy book, and she says, "Daddy, Maxy take Piggy Book." She is of course talking about Max who has been downstairs sleeping for the last 3 hours. I tell her that Maxy doesn't have her book, but she insists that "Maxy take Piggy Book." I go back into her room and look under some of the books on the floor and notice the Piggy Book is there. It seemed to confuse her as she insisted that Max had taken her book and yet it was there on the floor.

I can only conclude that she knew the Piggy Book was on the floor when she went to bed and she had a dream that Max had come and taken her precious book. She started crying trying to tell Max the book was hers but nobody was listening. So, it seems the worst nightmare for my 21-month old baby is to have someone steal her books.

Of course, in the morning, she had forgotten all about the Piggy Book and was back to her crazy funny self.

Can You Roll Your Tongue?

So, the other night, I asked the question to the kids, Can you roll your tongue. I grabbed the camera to watch the fun.

Economic Stimulus Package Already Trickling Down

So, while checking my Facebook page I happened to notice the Facebook ads on the right-hand side were all showing something like, "Free Government Money!" and "Get Your Bailout Check"

I thought to myself, maybe Peggy Joseph was right. Maybe the time had come for me to get mine! So, I clicked on the ads - ALL OF THEM.

Who knew that when Peggy Joseph spoke those immortal words, she actually was right on the money.



And speaking of money. . . It's so easy to collect!

Look how these two brothers cashed in!
















































Man, some guys get all the breaks. I mean these two brothers. . . . . .
hey. . . wait a second . . . . can we see those pictures again?






HOLY COW! That is amazing. Twins. Identical Twins! They are even wearing the same sweater and are sitting against the same background, with the same scar/cowlick at their hairline. One named Jason and the other named Jeff. I love America.














Lets look at that check again.











Oh Deary me oh my! It looks like Jeffrey and Jason got the exact same check. Both checks are made out to Jeffrey Donahue. I wonder if Jason is going to be able to cash his check at all. I mean that would really stink if he would be unable to pay his mortgage or put gas in his car just because the stupid government made his stimulus check out to the wrong person.










Now, some of you might be saying, "Ahh HAH! - This thing could still be real. Maybe the dude's name is Jeffrey Jason Donahue and he was so excited to share his success with the world that when he created two identical websites with different URL's he just didn't mention that his "close" friends call him Jason because when he was in grade school, there was a bully named Jeffrey that also smelled really bad, so to avoid confusion and possible embarrassment, Jeffrey Donahue started going by Jason."

Man, you have put alot of thought into this havent you?

Okay, I can give you that one. But, then how do you explain this guy?





















Now, this guy wanted to protect his identity, (you know there are alot of identity thieves out there - you can't be too careful) and rightly so. I wouldn't want just anyone knowing that I had just received a check from the government for $12,739.62. Which just happens to be a very popular amount for gov't checks. Both Jeff and Jason Donahue got checks for the exact same amount. In fact. . .


All three of the checks are the exact same picture.




Okay, I am almost done, but I have to share this one last picture because it just puts the icing on the cake. You may have to click on the picture to see what I am talking about, but besides spelling "government" wrong on most of the hyperlinks, this guy can't even remember how his money was distributed. At Step 2. he says how he received checks for $6500, $5000, and $450 and yet he shows a picture of a check for $12,739.62! Come on, if you are going to try and scam people, at least make it believable. But, I guess the ones who would actually believe this crap would be too dumb to pick up on the problems anyway.















So, what is a lowly American to do? Well, here is a good place for starters. You see, those Facebook ads cost the person placing them money whenever someone else clicks on their link (Some in fact cost them money just for being shown on your page). So, I think it is only American that we show our support for the wonderful entrepreneurial spirit that has brought us these ads.

Click on the Ad. Click it often and click it long. Whenever you see one of these types of ads, go ahead and give it a click. It most likely won't cost this company more if you click the same ad multiple times, but I at least click each one at least once, just to let them know I care. Either way, as soon as their CPM or CPC has been used up with zero response, hopefully these idiots will also go away.

This is the type of crap that needs to be responded to by the social communities. It's not that I am against a company making a buck, but if you really can help people get money, then don't show me the exact same check with 20 different people's names and pictures attached to it. JUST BE HONEST.
I don't expect you to be perfect, but I do expect you to be honest.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of Peggy Joseph's out there that think somebody else is going to
change their situation for them.



But, then again, what do I care, I already got my check.

Top Gun Volleyball

In response to my last post:

"Hey, I think the volleyball scene is more fitting to my body structure and my wife's pleasure."
- Craig


All I have to say is, you know how Hollywood makes people look better than they really are. I have obtained an un-doctored photo taken the same day as the infamous "volleyball scene" was shot. But, if you really want me to help you out, I might be willing to arrange a head swap . . . you make the call.

A Tribute to Craig. . . sorta

So, Maria liked what I did with my previous post (changing my nephew from a park ranger to a Top Gun). She commented that she would like something like that done for her husband (my cousin) Craig. However, since I just can't seem to bring myself to comply with people's wishes, I thought of a different way of paying tribute to Craig. . . if you knew Craig growing up, I think you will find my tribute fitting.























But, to ensure Craig and Maria talk to me the next time I visit Idaho. . .

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

To my nephew:

Hey Kyser, why settle for Park Ranger ?





























When you could be . . .


TOP GUN!

Marnae Mi Vida

So, yesterday was the one year anniversary of Marnae and I getting sealed (our civil wedding was July 22, 2006, some of you may remember that day, it was 104 degrees in the shade).

We were sealed in the Provo Temple on December 22, 2007. Some of you may remember that day it was negative 20 degrees in the sun. Ask us sometime about that day and Stephen R. Covey. . .

Anyway. . .

I honestly don't know what I would do without Marnae. She is a wonderful person, a terrific mother, and the best wife I could have even imagined. She has a sincere heart, she cares deeply for those around her, and only wants the best for all people.

I love her for what she does for me, how she makes me feel, and that she makes me want to do better. She is the mother of our children and makes our house a home.

She must love me, because she keeps putting up with me and my crazy ways.

And honestly. . . there is no way I could have had such beautiful babies if it weren't for her.

I Love the DMV and by Love I Mean Hate

So, I had to renew my driver’s license (I know, I know those who know me, know my birthday is in September, but my bank said they wouldn’t cash any more of my checks without “current” ID. I mean just because I had a birthday doesn’t mean I am not still David Bake right? Go figure), and here is why people hate the DMV:

I arrive around 2pm this afternoon. Upon entering the DMV, I notice I am one of 4 customers. A sign on the wall says to not stand in the walkway and instructs everyone to take a seat. I sit down. There is a huge electronic sign with the number 828 on it. One person is being helped by a DMVite, DMVeggan, DMV employee, Public Servant, whatever they are called (You have to be careful these days, maybe later I will tell you about my run-in with a prison guard who didn’t like being called a Prison Guard because he had worked so hard at his 6 week course, he had earned the title, Correctional Facilities Officer. I mean hey, a six week course, are they sure they don’t want to be called Doctor?)

Anyway, as I am sitting there, I notice another person is holding what looks like an application and a little number on a tab. I ask him if they are using the big number board, and he says he thinks so, but I can have his number if I want since I was sitting down before him. I said that was okay, but it looks like I have to fill out the same renewal application he is holding. He says that is true, because he got up to the window and they sent him back because he didn’t have the application filled out. So, I asked where the applications are, and he told me they are on a little table near the door, which is the only place that has a sign saying you need the form filled out first. I don’t remember filling out the form last time, but that was over 4 years ago and I have repressed most of the memories of that day. So, if you happen to look the other way as you pass the little table, you miss the importance of said form.

I grab my form and begin to fill it out. Enter the people…lots and lots of people. Suddenly, there were people everywhere. I begin to frantically fill out my form, hoping I can finish it before they call my number so I don’t have to go get a new number. Luckily, people at the DMV take their sweet time when it comes to doing anything. My number is the next to be called, and I am done with my form. This is going to be an easy trip after all.

Suddenly, both DMVeggimites stop what they are doing and huddle in the back corner of the office for a good 15 minutes. Turns out, the credit card processing machine got turned off or reset or something. They had to call the company and get instructions on how to restart the stupid thing. Finally, the male unit turns to the crowd and announces, “We will not be able to process any credit card transactions for at least 35-40 minutes. If you are paying with a credit card, you will have to wait. If you have cash or check, you can stay in line and we will get to you in order by your number.”

Seriously? So, the guy then proceeds to call, “Next Please, number 831.” I motion that I am number 831 but I only have a credit card and will need to run to the bank, (which happens to be on the first floor of the very building we are in).

I run downstairs and get in line at the bank. The time is now 2:45 pm which should be a good time to hit a bank in Provo, UT on a Wednesday. But, then again, this is happening to me, so of course it’s not going to work out that way. There is only one teller and he is helping what looks like a bag lady that has just ordered somewhere in the vicinity of 37 cashier’s checks. I don’t know if Home Shopping Network only accepts cashier’s checks or what, but this lady was seriously carrying a stack about two inches thick and still waiting for more. The poor teller about threw in the towel when she told him he had made one of the checks for the wrong amount.
So, I wait and wait some more. Finally, another teller walks in the door and opens another window. I jump over to him, and that’s when it hits me. . .

I can’t cash my checks, because I don’t have current ID and I can’t get current ID because I can’t cash my check. The irony rolled over me like a wave of warm comforting crap. (Don’t worry, it’s not supposed to make sense) At this point, I could have just taken my ATM card and gone outside and used their outside machine, but I was a bit curious just how this would play out, and dangit it was cold outside.

I tell the guy that I need to cash/deposit a few checks, but I have an issue. I don’t have current ID on me. He starts to tell me how he is not supposed to cash any checks without current ID and especially since my account has already been flagged for cashing other checks without proper ID. (I like to think it’s my smooth way and winning smile that I have somehow convinced tellers to cash checks for me for the past 3 months without a driver’s license, but it’s probably more likely it’s because I have been a customer of this bank since college and they don’t want me to take my accounts elsewhere.) Either way, it’s fun to push the bounds every once in a while.

So, I tell the kid, “Look, I am going to put a lot of money in this David Bake guy’s account. You don’t think he would mind if I took $20 for myself.” He chuckled and said he could give me the money and deposit the checks but JUST THIS TIME.. I agreed and in a few more minutes, I am on my way back upstairs to the DMV.

I get back inside the DMV office and now my luck starts to look up. Turns out, most of the people who had come streaming in before, had the intention of paying with a credit card. The old guy called number after number only to have nobody respond. I only had to wait another 15 minutes or so, to get my second chance at a window. The rest of the ordeal went pretty quickly, the DMVillian was actually pretty nice to me (he may have seen the fire in my eyes from earlier, I am not sure). I got my license renewed in a few minutes and was feeling okay about things, till the old guy took his parting shot at me. . .

“You know,” he said, “it wasn’t 30 seconds after all you people left that the credit card machine started working again…”

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

So you think a gallon of gasoline is expensive? Here are some other things you're getting raked over the coals for:


Diet Snapple, 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea, 16 oz $1.19 ... $9.52 per gallon

Gatorade, 20 oz $1.59 ... $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray, 16 oz $1.25 ... $10.00 per gallon

Brake Fluid, 12 oz $3.15 ... $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil, 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol, 4 oz $3.85 ... $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ... $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ... $84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water 9 oz $1.49 ... $21.19 per gallon?! $21.19 for WATER - and the buyers don't even know the source. (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or heaven forbid, Pepto Bismol or Nyquil.

It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

Just Because This Picture is Too Awesome

Yes, that is Kimberly. I can just see dad off-camera saying, "Just get up there and put your hand on him. He won't hurt you, just put your hand on his leg. Go ahead."

And as you can see, Kimberly is more than happy to comply.

Kimby Always Has So Much Fun - Some Might Say A TON!

I guess I will just let Channel 4 News tell the story:

Some Days You Just Can't Get Rid of a Bomb

Some days, no matter how pure your intentions may have been, things just don't go at all as planned. This point is illustrated very nicely by our good friend Batman...one of the greatest philosophers of our time.

How big was your baby at birth?

So, my brother Jared and his wife Larisa recently had a baby. After a week of asking, they finally decided to break the silence about how big he was at birth. They commented on their blog, and I quote, "We forgot to mention that Emmett was 7 lbs. 5 oz, 19 inches long, and is #1 according to Kyser!"

They included this picture of Kyser to which they claim, he was saying his baby brother is #1.















If you look closer, I think Kyser is actually indicating how big his baby brother really is. Take a look at his left hand! No wonder they didn't want to talk about his size. However, Emmett did weigh more than Jared at birth, so I guess that is something.

That's My Baby

Here is a picture of Millie taken by Marnae's brother Matt

/em Dance

Chinese Custom Made Suit Debacle More Than it Seems?

So, while in China, my brother purchased a custom made suit for his son. While at first, there seems to have been a grave mistake in the making and/or measuring of the suit. I believe this is just the tip of the iceberg of a much grander conspiracy.

You see, my brother and his son are a crafty couple of peeps. After much thought and research, I think I have discovered what they are up to.

WARNING: If you believe in the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, or think we actually landed on the Moon, you may not want to read what I am about to reveal.

The plan is as follows: Anders will continue to wear his "mistake" Chinese Customer Made Suit every where he goes. Soon, people will get used to him walking around with his short sleeves and not pay much attention to his Mono-color Dream Coat. And that is when the switch will happen.

You see, unbeknownst to most people, Jeff and Anders have been working late nights in their basement for years now, and I believe this suit is just the catalyst to put their plan into effect. I believe they are ready to unleash their master plan on the unsuspecting citizens of Oregon.

From one day to the next Ander's "body double" will begin appearing for him, at school, at basketball games, even at home. The exactness of this body double, and the appearance of the Chinese Suit, will make people none the wiser. Soon, the body double will begin robbing, and pillaging, and sending the money to a secret bank account.

Jeff and Anders will retire to a small island off the coast of South America, and live out the remainder of their days in carefree tropical freedom.

You think this is just a crazy conspiracy theory? I would think so to, if it were not for the photographic evidence I have obtained.

See for yourself. Here is a preliminary test photo Jeff took of "Anders" to see if his own brother and Sister could tell the difference. Just look at Ian's face. I think that he not only doesn't know its not Anders, but he is even more friendly with the body double.